Love Letters
Learning How to Be Loved
 1.
Thank you my love for an incredible life together. All I ever wanted in life is found in my life with you. You are a perfect partner for an imperfect life, a perfect lover for a flawed person. You have given me hope and meaning, a daily purpose to wake-up – you have taught me much with your love.
As I write this you are finishing your afternoon and looking forward to your evening, several times zones away, with your family. I am so glad you are there. I know being with your family brings joy to their life and brightness to their days. Your energy infuses them, making them feel a loss once you are gone (and back to my arms).
There is so much I want to say just now, but mostly I just want to sink off to sleep with you in my arms. Touching you in even the smallest place runs electric love into my body. And needed sustenance to my soul. You fill my life with life. I want to return it with the same passion you give to me.
There is so much locked up inside of me that sometimes I feel incapable of letting it out and into you. Yet, that is my greatest desire – to do it before you tire of waiting for it. Ordinary love is not enough for me to give to you. You deserve more. It is locked up here and I need to learn to let it escape into the open. Into you.
2.
You were so beautiful the first moment I saw you, so vibrant when first we talked. I loved you those first moments. It rumbled deep inside me and I knew I would love you forever. It was more than your beauty. It was your depth of soul that radiated from your smile and shot out your intense brown eyes.
There was also this searching intelligence that wrapped around you and pulled me in. I knew from the very first encounter that I would be captivated by you for the rest of my life. Little did I realize how thankful I would grow into your arms. Then, intoxicated by your love, something surprising happened. Exceptional. Frightening.
Every moment of loving you pushed buried pain to escape out of me and into the open. It was so unexpected. I was filled with wonder when parts of me stirred to life long after I believed they had died. I had to learn to trust your love, step-by-step, feeling each step as a leap of faith predicated on the unconditional love you bathed me within. I was frightened beyond fear. Intrigued beyond measure.
I had never known such encompassing love, such unfathomable love. It truly was unconditional. My reaction to it was a process of learning to trust you over my strong, protective instincts. I already loved you. I was learning how to be loved. It was a process so startling, so frightening at times, so intoxicating at others, it was the most wondrous journey of my life. I felt every moment of it, and loved you the more for it.
Pain subsiding. Love increasing.
Hurt out. Bliss in.
Step by incredible step I felt you sink into the core of my being. My soul reverberated. A new identity formed around it. I was becoming a new person, more lovng, more trustful, less stressed. For the first time in my life, really, I felt good, centered about who I was – optimistic about where I was headed. Joyful in the prospect.
3.
I have loved you each moment since that first moment with you. But I have yet to let it spontaneously burst out of my body every day. It has happened some few times, surprising me and delighting you. So I know it must disappoint you – as it does me, that it happens too rarely. I do not know what constrains me, nor how to change it. The only thing I know to do is to just love you more every day than the day before. I hope the rest will take care of itself. Still, I seek a new way every day.
I desire you to feel the power of my love, to experience it in your body and soul, the way I experience your love. This is my greatest quest. There is nothing left in me but love for you. I want it to last forever wrapped around you as your comfort, joy, and resort long after I am gone.
Your love has sunk into the seed of my soul. It will be with me forever. But, I am not done – I am still learning how to be loved. Thank you for that.
Zander C
Copyright 2007-2009, Zander C. All rights reserved.
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